Canned Unicorn Meat

Product info

Unicorns, as we all know, bounce happily around the world, crap rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go, and are generally a bit suspicious little critters. What you didn't know is that once they start to feel the weight of their years, they go to a place called County Meath in Ireland. In the county of Meath is a place called Radiant Farms.

The good people at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to taking care of and cherising elderly unicorns. They massage each unicorn daily, carefully applying Guinness to their hair, and fatten them with candy-odoured corn. As the unicorn gets older, his meat becomes a marbled and very fatty. His horn also becomes less and less pronounced, finally almost disappearing, as it dissolves to create a taste resembling sweetened almond.  

We could go on and on about the process of producing the finest unicorn meat in the world, but unfortunately you may be dissapointed when opening the can, only finding a soft unicorn toy inside, since the laws governing imported meats of mythical creatures are a bit more strict than we'd like. However, the body of the unicorn is properly processed, separating and labeling the best cuts of the animal.

• Canned Unicorn Meat
• Crispy horn pieces in each mouthful (great source of calcium)
• Tastes like chicken, but with a hint of marshmallow
• Easy to apply on a slice of bread
• Nobody has certified it as an edible foodstuff
• Hey really, you can't actually eat it
• It's really a soft toy that resides in the can
• The can is easily opened from the bottom, no need for can opener

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